There’s a lesson in here somewhere, in marketing, or honesty or something…whatever. This was about two years ago.
My house phone number was previously used in an erroneous advertisement for a bike shop. I got so annoyed, I started screwing with the callers that didn’t say either “Hello, my name is” or give some other form of polite introduction. Here is one of my favorite phone calls, I remember:
Ring…Ring…
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Do you do Bike Tune-Ups?”
Me: “That depends, I could probably do it”
Caller: (Slightly confused by my lack of confidence) “Well, how’s that work? What are your prices?”
Me: “I’ll need a spoke count to get you an accurate quote, and it depends on why the bike needs tuning”
Caller: “Okay, I can count ‘em, the bike’s right here - is the front usually the same as the back?”
Me: “Rarely, you normally have to count both tires”
Caller: “Oh, Okay - no problem - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4…6 - 8 - 10 - 12…”
Me - covering the phone, and laughing OUTLOUD.
Caller: “…Front has 32, back has 32″ (I forget the real numbers, but they were the same)
Me: “Oh, really, that’s strange that they are the same - where did you get THIS bike - that’s going to cost extra”
Caller: “Why does it cost extra?”
Me: “Oh, well, if they are the same we have to label them, so we don’t mix them up.”
Caller: “Oh okay, well, can you give me a quote now?”
Me: “I told you it depends, on why the bike needs tuning?”
Caller: “What?”
Me: “Yah, I saw this one time, a bike that came in, with a bent frame after the owner got fat and then stopped using the bike. It was kind of a chicken and an egg thing”
Caller: “Oh…well…”
Me: “What’s the matter sir, did-cha-get-fat?”
Caller: “Ahhhh, wellll….” (I’m thinking he was leaning towards yes)
Me: “Don’t worry, I think I can fix any bike that you have”
Caller: “Well, I didn’t get *that* fat” Me - (OOoh you’re making this too easy)
Me: “How much weight did you gain, sir?”
Caller: “maybe 30 lbs, it was a side-effect of medication”
Me: “Oooooouuuuuu, that’s actually quite a bit of weight, especially if you didn’t re-enforce the frame”
Caller: “Oh, I didn’t do thaaaat”
Me: “Oh you should have, that’s going to cost extra”
Caller: “So how much am I looking at?”
Me: “Let’s see…(pretending to add up numbers)…$942″
Caller: “Are you kidding me?”
Me: “Yes. I’m honestly kidding you.”
Caller: “What? Huh? Can I speak to a manager?”
Me: “No, err, I mean, I am the manager, sir”
Caller: “Are you serious?”
Me: “I told you already, I was honestly kidding you”
Caller: “What?”
Me: “I told you, you asked if I was kidding, I *SAID* ‘yes’ ”
Caller: Silent…”Ummm…” Click.
Recent Comments